Healing and Cancer - Stories of Empowerment

Dr. Rob Rutledge, MD, Oncologist and Associate Professor, tells the stories of ordinary yet remarkable people affected by cancer, and how they were able to empower themselves at levels of body, mind and spirit on the cancer journey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZMr1u84dIA

Reverse Vegas, the Pastor, and the Miracle Man

by Dr. Rob Rutledge

When my boss asked me to give a talk at an African-Canadian prostate cancer support group he has organized here in Halifax, little did I know what great pleasure was in store for me.

Rocco Rossi, President of Prostate Cancer Canada, was in attendance that evening, and addressed this lively group of about twenty men in a modest community hall before I gave my talk. Rocco began by describing how he became connected to the prostate cancer world. His uncle at age 53 was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and later died. This uncle was a ‘man’s man’ – never sharing what was really going on inside, keeping his problems to himself, never reaching out for help. Rocco lamented this as an opportunity lost – men affected by prostate cancer can raise awareness, urge their family and friends to get a screening PSA blood test, and be open about their feelings with their loved ones. He finished in a rousing plea that a prostate cancer support group should be a ‘Reverse Vegas’: while respecting confidentiality of individuals ‘what happens in a prostate cancer support group doesn’t stay in the prostate cancer support group.’

It was heartening for me to hear the message I’ve been sharing with diverse audiences for years. Being open and honest about our emotions is healthy. It connects us deeply with our loved ones. It normalizes the fact that we all can suffer with difficult emotions throughout our lifetimes – and that mental health issues are expectation not a weakness. Rocco confirmed it takes courage and strength to be open with others which ultimately is healing for everyone.

The next person to speak was the Pastor of the local church who was asked to say a prayer before my talk.  Rev. Dr. Lennett J. Anderson is not a big man but his smile lights up the entire room. Here is a man of God who embodies the living spirit. In his prayer, his enthusiasm for life resonates through his voice, taking us into a deep and joyous place. In unison, the group finishes with a heart-felt ‘Amen’.

I can’t stop thinking about the Pastor since hearing him speak. How is it that he lives in this state of joy and peace? The principles neuroplasticity dictate that the way we view the world gets hardwired into our brains. Rev. Lennett has lived a life so full of love and gratitude for the world and everyone in it that the neural pathways to experiencing spirit are deeply engrained while the pathways to the negative emotions have withered away. And yet I feel there is something much more mysterious here. His presence is other worldly, and yet familiar, somehow pointing me to recognize something in myself.

The eyes of the group come to rest on me.  My talk outlines the basics of prostate cancer, screening and treatment. I focus on how prostate cancer cells are usually very slow growing, and how men can potentially influence the growth rates of cancer cells through healthy habits like exercise, low fat diets high in fruits and vegetables with Vitamin D, maintaining a reasonable weight and so on. The talk gets interactive very quickly. Lots of chatter. Guys asking about erectile function and their PSA results. PCC President Rocco chimes in with reflections like "the worst cause of ED is death.  No blue pill after that.  We keep you alive and you have options!" Hoots and lots of joking.

After the talk, my boss introduces me to one of the men: his “Miracle” patient. He is a hefty fellow with a twinkle in his eye and an infectious smile who had told the group he has had cancer three times.  My boss clarifies his story: his lung cancer had spread to the bone, a situation that his physician deem incurable. In seventeen years of practice this man’s medical oncologist has never seen another case of someone alive and without evidence of cancer so many years after chemotherapy. I shake this man’s hand and quip “You can’t trust those doctors, they’re about as good as the weatherman”.

Miracles happen.  You’re not a statistic, you’re a person. You can always do better than the average. And you never know the blessings life will show you in the most humble of places.

Aim for FAME

Flo is a registered Psychologist and Cancer survivor who has attened two 'Skills for Healng' Weekend retreats. She reflects on the overlap between the free program she has designed (with fellow experts) called cancerplan4life.com and our teachings at HealingandCancer.org

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNV1Eeg6BAE&feature=youtu.be

Holding painful emotions: Not too close, not too far, just right

by Dr. Rob Rutledge.

Dr. Russ Harris, an Australian family physician, psychotherapist and best-selling author teaches that painful emotions are a natural part of life. Whenever there is a gap between what we are expecting (or hoping for) and the reality of the situation, difficult feelings like disappointment, frustration and grief tend to follow. For people first diagnosed with cancer this ‘reality gap’ can be especially painful as everything in life can feel as though it’s been completely shattered. Add the fear of dying to the mix and we can end up experiencing one difficult emotion after another.

Dr. Harris uses the following demonstration to illustrate how we can work with these painful emotions so we can enjoy our lives more and feel better. Imagine writing down all your most painful emotions on a piece of paper. These could include fear, anger, despair, or feelings of being inadequate or completely isolated, and so on. Then imagine that within the room surrounding you are all the things that make your life rich, full and meaningful. You could visualize your loved ones standing around smiling at you. You could imagine other positive aspects of your life you’re grateful for like your passions, hobbies, friends, work, sense of a higher spirituality surrounding you.

Grab onto that piece of paper with the painful emotions and bring it right up to your face so it’s touching your nose.  Dr. Harris describes this action as being fused with your difficult emotions such that you cannot ‘see’ anything else.  With our emotions in our face we would act out or act on whatever difficult feelings arose in the moment.  We’d be angry at the world, blaming others, the medical system, God, and everything else for our problems.  Fusing with our painful emotions would dominate our reaction to family members, adding negativity to exchanges. Alternatively, we would withdraw from connecting with others because of self-pity and depression. When the piece of paper is masking our eyes we can get so absorbed or overwhelmed by the painful emotions that we get separated from the people that we love and things that give us joy.

Next, grab onto your ‘painful emotions’ paper with two hands and push it away as far as possible from you. Stretch out your arms so hard that your shoulders feel like they could pop out of their sockets. Hold those difficult emotions there for a long time and see what you feel. This is called distancing ourselves from our emotions or sometimes ‘suppressing’, pushing them away because we don’t want to deal with what’s come up. We might try to numb the pain with drugs/alcohol or distract ourselves with in incessant activity. Twisting our face away from our painful sheet is uncomfortable and takes lots of energy. However, most of us are very good at it because that’s what we’ve been taught do from a young age.  We hear these ongoing messages from parents and so many others: Don’t feel angry! Don’t feel sad! (Granny is going to Heaven, no need to cry about her). Don’t be excited! (Children should be seen not heard). Essentially we’re taught not to feel. Add the pop culture advice “You have to stay positive if you have a cancer diagnosis” and you have a recipe for numbing all our feelings – good and bad.

Instead, the wise approach is to drop our hands and lay our paper of painful emotions on our lap. From this position we can begin to truly appreciate all the things surrounding us that give us joy and meaning.  Our painful emotions are still there – but we don’t need to let them dominate our thoughts and actions, nor spend our energy trying to push them away. Our emotions (painful and positive) are our life energy, and we can let them flow through us. We can honour them for stretching our hearts - allowing us to appreciate the beauty of life as it is here right now.

Learn more about Dr. Harris’ work at www.actmindfully.com.au