http://gingerbreadguts.com/

"In any event, in came the radiation oncologist.

But, hey, for the purposes of this blog, we could just call him Mr. Lovely. Or Mr. Perfect. Or Mr. Super Nice Guy. Or Mr. Special. At the time, however, I called him The Rocket. He was lean and fit and just like my naturopath, his skin glowed with great health and he didn’t miss a trick.

At this point, I really wasn’t thinking about what God may or may not have been lining up so I could reach my goal of ‘Shalom’ – a Hebrew word that means, ‘nothing missing, nothing broken’. I possessed no earthly contacts to advance my pleading case of mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, so I was pretty much biding my time, hanging on to this diseased body part as chemo continued to shrink the lump within.

The Rocket greeted me and I marveled at how well people in medical positions talk to you as though you look perfectly normal to them. He acted like I was not sitting in a washed-out shapeless Johnny shirt, devoid of eyelashes and eyebrows, wearing a wig I singed by opening the oven door with it on while baking. (Melt, baby, melt.)

He asked me something. I don’t recall what, but a greeting kind of question.

I answered him. I don’t recall what, but it seemed like a rather innocuous response.

“So,” he said, “You’re a spiritual person!”

I started to look at him again – more carefully – to see if he was sporting some kind of spiritual antennae that I had carelessly overlooked at first glance. I was completely caught off guard.

“Aaahhh. Ummm. Yes. I am.”

“What kind?”

“Ahhhh. Ummm.” Do I tell him? “Christian.”

“Great!” he said. “Then what would you like to tell me?” There was not one whiff of sarcasm or judgment or disdain in his voice.

What did I want to say, indeed. I was so excited to be the presence of a doctor who actually thought it was okay to bring my spirituality into the cancer equation. What did I want to say?

“I want to tell you that I have listened deep within myself and I’m not going anywhere.” Okay, here it comes. He’s gonna say something about how I can’t hope for that.

“Wonderful,” he said. “So, you need me to help you get, what, another 50 years or so?”

I am really bad at math, so that took a minute for me to compute … Oh, he’s saying he wants to help me live till I’m 95.

“Yes, that would be fine!”

There are many, many things I could tell you about The Rocket. And I probably will. He is a rare and exotic bird living in the forest of doctors.

And if I wasn’t paying attention to what God was doing in the details, that encounter that day with that man reminded me again that Someone with a much bigger view of my life knew I needed a spiritual boost – and a champion inside the system to help me reach my goal.

Unbeknownst to me, The Rocket would play what I would characterize as a divinely pivotal role nearly three months later when I was drowning in confusion and disappointment and anger about how it was all going down."

link http://gingerbreadguts.com/

Listened In

As you said there is a real power in hearing from those living in the condition of their physical vulnerability. If only we could all have a little of that sense of vulnerability and weakness in our daily attitudes in a "go get em" society. The thought that came to me is that this acceptance Karen speaks of becomes a kind of strength we don't expect, as it knits us together into wholeness. She also spoke of hopefulness, which has a very powerful meaning when used as hope beyond desire. One of my favourite psalms is "You know my inmost being: you knew me before I was knit together in my inmost being." (Psalm 139:13). In listening to the question about demanding something ("demandez") of God it causes me to contemplate that God (creator, revealer, knower) is a knower of our hope and accepting of it. He/She radiates back love as an answer, saying like Paul (Col. 2:2) "I want hearts to be encouraged and united (also "knit together"/ "woven") in love." (I am inspired to do some word study/exegetical work on the words "knit", "woven" and "united" and their use and correlations in scripture ... by this discussion). People are making an authentic attempt here to get beyond Babel's blockades of meaning and reach one another's hearts, which is a very hopeful thing in of itself.

When a Christian friend of mine, who has a chronic illness, speaks about her illness on facebook it has a similar quality of acceptance when she openly reaches out to her friends for acceptance of the pain and anxiety she's feeling and through the sharing of the wholeness (holy) of spirit of others, she feels a sense of acceptance from the comments of love and encouragement she receives back. She has told me that for her the cross is the path that helps her understand her life, meaning that she feels God had a complete identification and acceptance of her pain as well, for he has experienced it and wishes for us to heal in the most profound of ways.

Published on April 7, 2011

Cancer education session, discussion Saturday at Glooscap Heritage Centre

Breast cancer survivor Margaret Ross, right, hugs her father Ron Ross at his home in Millbrook. The retired RN wants people to understand the benefits of breast screening and learn coping tools at an upcoming free education session

Glooscap Heritage Centre , Healing and Cancer Foundation , MILLBROOK

MILLBROOK – Margaret Ross will never forget the words she heard sitting with her physician, striking with such force it shook her to the core. "You've got cancer," she heard, as the rest of the conversation became a blur of words. She barely remembers being told referrals would be made as soon as possible to remove the lump growing in her left breast. "It's quite a shock to hear it," said Ross, nearly two-and-a-half years after her positive diagnosis and subsequent successful treatment of the disease. "I actually got lost walking home." Today she is feeling well and is volunteering with the Healing and Cancer Foundation, reinforcing the importance of breast screening and early detection, as well as helping others who share a similar life-changing experience. "The first evidence of problems was around 2002," Ross said. She said a small growth in another area of the breast was tested and considered a false alarm. After that episode, Ross underwent routine breast screening as a precaution. "It wasn't really until toward the end of 2008 there was definitely a tumor in the left breast." Within three months the less-than-two-centimeter growth was removed, followed by radiation treatments. Now at age 59, the former Millbrook resident, retired RN and cancer survivor wants to help others coping with the disease by sharing her story along with educating people about services offered by the foundation. Saturday from 1 to 4 p.m. the foundation will host The Healing Circle, a free public talk and reading by radiation oncologist Dr. Rob Rutledge and psychotherapist Dr. Tim Walker. The Healing Circle is a compilation of stories of people who have been on the journey of recovery from cancer. "I see this as part of my own recovery," said Ross. "I know there are families here who have family members who have been diagnosed with cancer. "Family members don't always have a chance to talk about how they are freaking out, too and this is a chance for them to talk about how they are feeling." Ross said she is hoping people will come to the event to learn about tools, which can be learned to promote good health and maintain it. "Recovery has a lot to do with hope and attitude," she said. "One has to be a fighter to deal with this type of disease." She said the event would give people with a common issue a chance to network and learn from one another, while receiving expert advice from health professionals.

Integrating Wisdom and Love on the Breast Cancer Journey

Introduction to my talk to be given by videoconference on Monday March 14 at 8PM EST entitled “Integrating Wisdom and Love on the Breast Cancer Journey”.

I’m really excited about being with you – people who are so proactive with their own health and health care. You really can make such a difference in your health. Just by listening to this talk, you are sending a powerful message to your body and spirit about healing and wholeness. I want to honour you all.

Over the next 45 minutes with Q+A to follow, I want to provide you with a practical and integrated approach to a breast cancer diagnosis that will give you the best chance of healing both physically and otherwise. To draw on the burgeoning scientific evidence and the wisdom of working with 1000’s of women who have faced breast cancer both in clinic and in our support groups.

But instead of just outlining ways to empower your body, mind and spirit, I’d like to take a step back and explore healing from a much bigger perspective. Because the fact is you already know what’s best for you, you have this information – or you can easily figure it out by truly listening your Self – that quiet voice that can guide your every decision towards what’s exactly best for you.

Instead I’m going to address a bigger question:

How can you live your life with so much love and wisdom, with so much purpose and gratitude, that Healing, true healing, will happen naturally. How is it that you can draw on something so deep that the spirit of life and healing infuses your every cell, directs your every action, and lights your spirit in everything you do? How is it that you can draw the highest spiritual principles right down into your life in the day to day? In so doing, transforming your life, healing yourself at levels of body, mind and spirit.

So this talk is more about the attitude you bring to your cancer experience – and how your approach to your own healing can have a profound effect on the actual outcome.

So you’re going to hear practical advice about what to do to promote healing– but moreso I want to focus on Love, and why adopting a loving attitude towards yourself, others and your relationship with life itself can be profoundly healing.

I first learned about the idea of healing over 20 years ago when I was a medical student searching for the type of doctor I wanted to be……

Contact Julie.s.matheson@gmail.com to learn more.

Or visit www.healingandcancer.org

Emotions & Cancer

Here are a few questions asked by a local reporter in regards emotions and Cancer:
Are previously reticent people more open to discussing emotions and spirituality once they have been diagnosed with cancer?

I have heard that attitude is an important part of beating cancer. How can loved ones help cancer patients change their attitude if it is not positive?

Responses from Dr. Rutledge

The response to a cancer diagnosis is highly variable - but most people approach their diagnosis as they have approached their life. Sometimes the cancer diagnosis can open people right up - like Andrew (see inspiring video link for his story on our website). Cancer provides a real opportunity to realize that life is very precious whether we live for another 2 years or 52 years. When people consider that carefully, they may be able to facilitate a deep transformation in their lives.

Being a loved one is very difficult. Lots of stress and often little to do but listen and brings one's loving presence to the person with the diagnosis. I don't recommend trying to change anyone - I think if we change ourselves - do our own work, deal with our own fears, let go of our judgements, be honest and open with our own emotions, then that brings a space in the relationship which may facilitate a change in perspective - but loving the person for where they are at is the goal.

Facing emotions head on: The most obvious example is working with the fear of recurrence or death. If every time those feelings come up, you simply try to suppress it, then the issue won't go away - and often comes out in different ways. If we look at the fears, we begin to understand them, untangle them, question them. It takes the power away from the fear - and we can let go of the exaggerations and extra suffering

A Few Words From Andrew

The following blog is by Andrew who was featured in Chapter 5 in The Healing Circle. Andrew was treated for an agressive brain tumour over 3 years ago and is doing extremely well.

This is a "Meta-Meditation" he uses everyday as part of his healing practice.

May I be safe from internal and external harm

May I be happy - just as I am

May I be healthy - may my body serve me well

May I be peaceful - and at ease

Like many of life’s events, any healing journey exposes you. It can shatter or build you up depending on your attitude, intention and commitment; e.g., a cancer trek is not for the faint of heart. Character is fostered at all times but in tougher times, whether patient, caregiver or MD, it reveals itself as you are tested of life’s diverse levels simultaneously, that is, physical, intellectual emotional and spiritual.

The journey is made quite complex since it is a marathon not a sprint. For me, meditation became a vital part of a journey (dharma/Path) to health. It reduced stress and offers time to sort things in my mind. I believe it might be helpful for others for, its calming effect reduces blood pressure and helps receive a focus with fortitude that can be coupled with a healthier life-style e.g. balanced diet, exercise and sleep.

One helpful form of meditation I found was Mettā which is one of 10 pāramitās of the Theravāda school of Buddhism*. Buddhists believe that if you are at peace, you become happier in yourself – perhaps a bit like being on an idyllic warm beach in the Caribbean when you know it is winter cold at home in Canada.

While Mettā takes about 20 minutes to do, its effects last longer. Over time, it centers peace into you. It is an antidote to fear since it helps you focus to a return to ‘self’ as it trains your heart. It plants seeds of intention and like flowers, some flower soon but other seeds take a while to bloom.

After preparatory relaxed breathing, meditate on a shortened form (bold) or, a longer form (italics). Longer forms exist but their purpose is the same. They fill your heart’s reservoir with essences of loving kindness, friendliness, benevolence, amity, friendship, goodwill, love, kindness, sympathy and interest in others. The object is love without attachment which starts by expressing it toward inward. You must love ‘you’ before you can love others.

With practice, your reservoir of loving kindness fills. When full, you can direct it to others, friends and foes, known and unknown - like waves ripple out when a stone is tossed into calm waters. You can only give it away easily if you harbour no ill-will and have no personal motive; but if not full, e.g. as a caregiver, your energetic battery drains and leads to ‘burn out’.

Wonderful words craft Mettā, but can you reveal meditative concepts with limits like words? Not really. It is better to feel them; but that said, here is an attempt:

1. Safe - Everyone needs to be safe. Harmful things in a world outside can range from a corrupt political system to street hooligans to fierce weather. It can be worse if you hear harmful voices in your mind ranging from bad habits to unresolved conflicts. Whatever it is, Mettā offers a way to train your mind to get to an inner safe place free from perceptions of danger. It gets front-row-seats to see an amazing person – you!

1. Happy - Everyone dreams to be happy. Imagine the exquisite nature of wanting to be happy “… just as I am …”. This is not the happiness of a new car or a hug which are great; rather, it is a deeper, profoundly simple being-ness of “who you are”. While some say happiness is a choice; others say it’s elusive often realized only by a receptive heart giving this great gift away. This is accepting things observer non judgmentally, as an observer i.e., as they are. It is not complacency. You want to make the world better - as Gandhi once said: “… be the change you want the world to be…”.

2. Healthy – Everyone wants to be healthy! Why would you not want your body(s) to be in fine shape so there is no pain? The good news is that we are human but that often comes with foibles of doing many thing(s) that are destructive to the body e.g. smoking, food excesses, etc. It is paradoxical to want good health but not work toward it. Health is aided when you are aligned with your authentic self – it’s less stress; for, it is you. At a different level, consider what is your body? Is it only physical or are there emotional, intellectual or spiritual fields?

3. Peaceful – We all wish for peacefulness, Mettā’s 4^th request. Being at one with whom you really ‘are’, i.e. your Authentic Self, is the nucleus of ease. It is the opposite of dis-ease. It starts with you and builds to home, country and world from your mind and heart. Only here can a powerful alignment transform you into being at one with yourself and the cosmos. This oneness with others or numinosity is one element in enlightenment (the 2 others are openness and curiosity). It’s in you to discover - you are the only one who can find your peace and how you are connected to others.

Over time, practicing Mettā improves my capabilities, ability to understand my mental and emotional states and deal more effectively with stressors. (Scientifically this meant changing activity in some areas of my brain i.e. temporal parietal juncture and insula - but let’s get back to Mettā.) Meditation soon became a sanctuary, as it reinforces that I must acknowledge the truth of who I am so I feel good about it. Clearly, sometimes facing my ‘self’ is not easy; but by doing it, I feel healthier at all levels. Consider: if I do not heal at all levels, then some form of dis-ease could be still in me. Hence, if I want aspects of Mettā, part of my quest must be to create peace-fullness in all levels of the physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions.

I can easily remind myself of travelling to a beautiful spot and that I can be there virtually any time in my mind’s eye. How comforting! It is similar (but different) to how I felt just before cancer surgery when I felt a surreal sense that all would be fine. A most remarkable comfort showered me. It was a “peace that passed all understanding” the likes of which I have not felt before or since; a feeling so powerful and unique it will be remembered forever.

I had heard that phrase before many times but that was when I experienced it. While that amazing moment cannot be explained scientifically, it launched me on a road to recovery with a feeling this was the place to be - my ‘dharma’ or Path, so to speak.

As my experiences evolve, I re-discover that my journey is more about finding various forms of peace and truth within me. I find the practice of Mettā meditation is one way to grow, cultivate and train my ‘self’ to find ‘me’.

The awareness triggered is that meditation channels a trust, a type of freedom as I contact my ‘self’. This encourages wholeness, (read: health) as I enjoy profound senses of my ‘self’ and my world while being connected with others. Metta is a channel to connectedness that leads to wholeness and happiness. It is the essence of gentlelovingkindness.

Looking back, why had I not done this meditation before? I guess I hadn’t had to. There was no urgency then; but now there is. So I do it regularly now to feel safe, happy, healthy and peaceful during walks in the forest, just sitting in my chair and being with others. Maybe others will enjoy it too.

Cool!

Audrey's Eulogy

Thank you all for attending my Mom’s memorial service – and joining us in honouring her and celebrating the many ways she touched people’s lives here in Qualicum and throughout her 80 years with us. I’ve only come to appreciate Mom’s true greatness through what other people have told me about her.

I’d like to reflect on Mom’s life since she was diagnosed with cancer. She fully embraced life, and found ways to express her love and caring for others despite her illness. Her great character over the last year certainly made it much easier on her family, and the fact that she had little pain or physical suffering, was a true blessing.

Listening to my eulogy, you may be left with the impression that my Mom’s approach to the cancer diagnosis, is the preferred way to work with a life threatening illness. And I’m about to describe the many ways she inspired me with her strength and resilience.

But I just want to add as an aside, as a cancer doctor with a passion for support groups, that there is no best way to approach cancer. Each of us is different, and we will find our own way. If I’d offer an advice, for those with an illness and the family members, I’d say to be honest with your emotions, both to others and to yourself. It’s perfectly human to be angry, anxious, scared, depressed, and frustrated. It’s best to express these emotions to others, to open up the communication in connection and support. That is the starting place to the healing journey. Enough with the advice.

We got the first impression of Mom’s strength and perhaps the magic that surrounded her when she was first diagnosed. She first developed electric sensations in her abdomen that shot up her chest during a trip in Greece a year ago. She became progressively confused, and by the time she got to the Nanaimo Emergency department, she was babbling about being on the high seas. As if on cue, while Mom listened to the doctor describe the tangerine sized tumour in her brain she seemed to awake from her reverie. Confronted with this awful news she said “Well, I’ve got it. I’ll have to accept it, and we’ll just go down that road.” After which she again digressed to her inner visions of boats and planes.

Mom was stoic right from the start. Through the surgery,and the rest of her treatments her mantra was the famous British slogan created during the war:
“Keep calm and carry on”.

And if you think about it this vivacious, active, intelligent, engaged woman’s life was shattered by this diagnosis. And it must have been painful lying in bed, and it was boring, and just so incredibly frustrating for her. After working so hard to become self-sufficient in every way, it must have been devastating to lose her independence.

And yet, I can hardly remember even an inference of complaint from her. Not that she wouldn’t ask for help from her others. It’s just that she was so busy considering how others felt – especially her family – that her focus was rarely on herself.

Even more so, her sense of humour and wit, remained unstoppable to the end.

I remember staying at her bedside after her brain surgery in January. The evening before I was travelling back to Halifax, I was feeling really sad to see my mom looking so frail, and knowing I would soon be leaving. Mom was bandaged up, on the brink of sleep, and very weak. I leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and in the most earnest voice said “Mom, I love you a lot”. Her whisper was barely audible in replya “and I love you….. a little.”

We had the major decision to make at the end of her radiotherapy as to whether she could return to her home or to go immediately to the Manor. The sad truth was it was too dangerous for her to be at home by herself (although she would contest that) – but she agreed to the nursing home because she didn’t want to be a burden to her family.

In march on the day that I would travel home again, with great trepidation, I dropped off Mom at the Manor. I was thinking she’s going to be upset, sitting in her room alone. But as soon as she got to the floor, she spotted Aldine in her wheelchair. The two held each others arms, their eyes just glowing. Aldine was saying “Oh, Audrey, it’s so good to see you, you were the very first volunteer who took me out for a walk when I first arrived here. I really appreciate that.” The two just chatted away like they were life-long friends. As it turns out, for the subsequent six months, every few nights, Aldine would give mom a reflexology session. Placing her healing hands on Mom’s feet, Aldine would help Mom relax and be energized by the treatments. I know Aldine loved these sessions and was getting as much out of them as was mom. But Mom reciprocated by arranging for a monthly manicure for Aldine. Even in sickness, in the last few months of life, Mom was deepening the bonds with her friends and family. Her light was glowing ever so brightly.

The other word that comes to mind when thinking about Mom in the last year is
fearlessness. And fearlessness does not mean having no fear. It more the willingness to follow own’s heart, with the confidence that you’ll have the strength to face whatever arises.

One of the cards that Mom received had a famous quote from Mother Theresa “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle.” She cried when she read those words, and it appeared to increase her resolve to “Keep calm and carry on.”

I thought Mom was particularly brave when she travelled to Halifax in August accompanied by her grandson. Her energy was starting to wane, she was more unsteady on her feet, and her memory was quite poor. But etched forever in my mind is a memory a sunny afternoon in the in public gardens listening to the big band sounds.

During that trip , my wife, Cara, and our boys, aged 11 and 15, and cousin James, took Mom to Peggy’s Cove. Everyone, including mom, wanted to get to the top of the huge boulders, for a look out over the ocean. This meant a little mountain climbing, so with one young man on each arm, and a third pushing up the rear (literally), they hoisted mom up top to a wonderful view. The journey back down the rock face was even more interesting, but mom never complained, and we have a wonderful picture of happy kids standing beside a glowing-faced Audrey.

I think Mom went through a spiritual transformation in her last months. She began to see beauty in the world wherever she looked. Each person she was with was just ‘beautiful’. When her 15-year-old grandson so lovingly fed her, she was brought to tears with a sense of gratitude. And my heart is forever imprinted with the way she said to me “Your such a wonderful son.”

The last week of her life was a very precious time for me. I was on the very early morning shift, and we had some intimate conversations in the middle of the night as she waned in and out of lucidity.

She told me that she didn’t want me to be sad after she was gone. I told her that it was natural for us to feel those strong emotions – that people need to grieve in their own time and in their own way. But I also told her that despite the fact that she was within days of her death, there were times I felt great joy just being in her presence. It was as if our spirits had melded somehow, and I truly felt lightened and more spacious as I’d walked away in the morning. I said that we could feel both happy and sad at the same time.

She thought about what I said carefully – and said “I want you to share this with the others” which I suspect she meant our family, but I somehow hope we can all hold those feelings when reflecting on Audrey’s life.

I was especially interested in our nightly conversations because I was worried that Mom was scared on dying. She had been having nightmares about wolves and cougars circling the cabin. And I know that as human beings we have an instinctive fear of death, that our body and psyche will continue to cling to life.

Mom was very clear with me. She was not scared of dying. She has a very strong faith, and there was just not an issue of the afterlife for her. In fact, in this church in march, a parishioner approached Mom, saying how inspired she was with mom’s faith when they had spoken weeks before. This young woman was in tears at the end of the conversation. That spiritual light was being handed over to the next generation.

The last 24 hours of mom’s life were quite remarkable. Lou Ann arrived from India just in time to have the last meaningful words. Remarkably, Mom didn’t suffer much. There was an episode of shortness of breath, that quickly settled with medication, and she slipped into coma, and then into the next realm less than 12 hours later.

Mom was surrounded by the three of us at her last breath. And is so typical for Mom, her last act in this life was to bring her loved ones together.
Mom brought us together. It was most beautiful shared moments of our lives.

Thank you again for sharing this time with us – and honouring the life of this great woman.